Cédric is a 48-year-old journalist, self-taught, conscientious and reliable. He deeply loves his job and sees it as a culmination. He works in tandem with Julia, a motivated, ambitious young woman who is very focused on her career.
Cedric gradually finds that his working conditions are becoming difficult and regrets that the values of this profession are being lost, are less and less respected, not only by Julia but more generally, seeing the way in which it is evolving. .
He suffers from anxiety, sleep disorders, anxiety. His wife is worried about his health and this situation has direct consequences on the couple's relationship, which is strained.
At work, Cédric shows himself to be rather conciliatory but lets mood swings show through, makes acid remarks to Julia as if he were trying to "make her pay" which makes him uncomfortable. It's as if he said yes to the relationship but not to the end.
One day, Julia complains to her hierarchy about Cédric's unpleasant behavior towards her.
Cédric then asks for a mobility but towards a profession that he does not know how to specify. The HRD is surprised by this request, does not know how to respond to it and advises him to contact LACT.
Diagnosis and identification of Cédric's attempted solutions
Cédric fears a negative rejection vis-à-vis him to the point that he will anticipate the solicitations of others, whether explicit or implicit. He will say yes to everything, which is a form of avoidance. Because to avoid saying no is to save the relationship to the detriment of one's own interest.
He will take it upon himself in the professional context, make compromises, like Atlas, in a sacrificial mode . Julia makes mistakes! No big deal, he'll fix them. He will accept assignments without discussing them or sharing potential difficulties. He will be in a kind of duty and like Atlas, he is desperately waiting for someone to replace him. He complains about his own fate because the climate becomes heavier and heavier.
He will "mill", try to reassure himself; he's going to talk to himself, telling himself that it's going to work out. He even tries to find excuses for Julia. But he ruminates.
The interaction stiffened under tension ; each complains in his own way, one of the lack of recognition and the state of the trade, the other of disagreeable and costly relationships at work. Then emerges the belief in Cédric that people are ungrateful and disappointing. It loops; he tells himself that the more he tries, the more ingratitude he creates in his face. It leads to a loss of self-esteem; weakened, he came to Lact because he had dark thoughts, going as far as raptus.
To sum up, the trap in which Cédric finds himself is that as an autodidact, he is in search of validation of his value. "I say yes to everything to have my value recognized". In reality, the belief that he develops "I am not recognized for what I am worth" creates anxiety in him. He will continue to adapt, to take on himself until exhaustion. He is ready to give up a job he loves and gets annoyed because everything he does is useless
For him the radical solution is to give up this profession that he adores.
As part of the Lact Assistance contract signed with the company of which Cédric is an employee, the HRD, the elected officials, the occupational physician can make an appointment with the Cabinet. In the case we are discussing together, after an initial diagnostic interview, we conducted 4 coaching sessions, mainly reframing.
Our intervention strategy
It is a question, as we have just said, of reframing Cédric.
- He finds it difficult to face negative reactions, to set limits; we worked on that.
- Regarding his desire for mobility, we made him realize that "the best solution to leave is to stay". And leaving badly is not satisfying.
- We highlighted the limits of the sacrificial mode through the image of Atlas; when you give a bad yes, sooner or later you pay the bill. Because to give a bad yes is to enter into something that degrades the relationship. If we are capable of it, we sacrifice ourselves and remain silent.
- Cédric is afraid of confrontation; we trained him to desensitize himself to disagreements and learn to say no. The challenge is to undo the fear of confrontations.
When you are about to commit, it is better to think for 5 minutes before saying yes to take the time to evaluate.
What Cédric said at the end of our intervention
- I'm no longer in the rush for mobility but I'm ready to think about it,
- I regained freedom of action vis-à-vis others,
- I stopped sacrificing myself and I feel more respected; I aspire to something else.