People who have a problem with self-recognition - "I'm not seen, I'm not compensated at my fair value" - compensate by saying yes. "I have a sense of the relationship, so I say yes".
They thus position themselves on a relational logic rather than on a logic of personal interest.
In a relationship, there is the relationship and the protagonists who are at the ends of this relationship.
But when self-esteem is involved, by compensating, we go beyond the scope of responsibility of our interlocutor and we assume responsibilities that are those of the other, which can have two consequences:
- Either this type of behavior can be considered invasive and the other will react very very badly; he feels attacked
- Either the other will benefit from it, and it is he who will be the winner of what it benefits. Where it is visible, it is on the territory of the other and where it is invisible, it is on our own territory of responsibility.
This is why, at work, it is important to know whether our own scope of responsibility is clearly defined. Because someone who has a vague scope of responsibility and who finds it difficult to say no will have a problem that is not a personal problem and which will be able to be resolved by clarifying their area of responsibility.
Because, as soon as the perimeter of responsibility is clearly defined, it is important to start taking actions on this perimeter so as not to be out of bounds, out of perimeter, which will participate in neutralizing our own value in the eyes of others and by there even in the eyes of oneself.