Lact - Palo Alto School Representative


Palo Alto School Representative

Center for training, intervention and research

Strategic systemic approach and hypnosis

      Overreliance on democratic parenting can lead to serious problems. What are the consequences of a democratic parental model on the parent-child relationship? Tips for restoring a functional relationship within the family. Power corrupts. -Lord Acton

      Dialogue and consensus

      In today's rapidly changing society, we have noticed the emergence of several new parenting styles, which reflect different beliefs and values ​​around this role. One of the most common models is what we call the democratic-permissive model, which emphasizes the absence of hierarchy within the family unit. This democratic model of parenting emphasizes equality, negotiation and open communication within the family unit, which is commendable. However, like everything in life, if taken to excess, it can cause certain difficulties. These difficulties often arise when the balance between freedom and responsibility is not carefully maintained by parents. The consequences and implications of this model, presented here, highlight potential areas of concern for parents seeking to foster healthy family dynamics.

      Training and ideology

      The democratic-permissive model arises from the ideological foundations established in our families of origin or through our experiences as adolescents, particularly if we join or engage in certain social, political, and cultural groups. This particular form of care and family dynamics rightly rejects authoritarianism. The couple's formation phase, before having children, often involves the negotiation of large margins of freedom for both partners, with equal economic situations and shared domestic responsibilities.

      Model Prerequisites

      Actions and behaviors

      Actions must be motivated by belief and consent rather than imposition.

      Dialogue and consensus

      Consent is obtained through open dialogue based on valid and reasonable arguments. One member's disagreement has the power to block decisions, which can lead to difficulty reaching consensus.

      Agreement on rules

      The rules are established through negotiation, which ensures fairness and balance.

      Prevention of abuse of power: Negotiation acts as a countermeasure against excesses of power.

      Harmony at all costs

      The main goal is to achieve harmony and minimize conflicts.

      Equal rights

      All family members have the same rights within the household.

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      The risks of permissiveness

      Flexibility and abandonment

      Such a model promotes flexible interactions within the couple, where complementary roles and capabilities are seen as accepted by both parties. However, when conflicts arise or an escalation is looming, this pattern can lead to the capitulation of one of the members of the couple, generally the one who is less inclined to communicate their annoyances, to argue or to confront. This tendency to abandon, unintentionally chosen to maintain "family peace", can become a precursor of complications for the couple when children enter the picture. It should also be noted that, in an attempt to appear modern and in tune with their children's interests, parents may imitate their children's clothing style and musical preferences, and may even engage in similar activities; you only need to attend a rock concert to see the demographic breakdown. However, this imitation can blur hierarchies and roles for children and can potentially compromise parents' credibility and ability to support their children during difficult times, particularly during adolescence.

      The risks of permissiveness

      With the arrival of children in the family, this permissive model faces new challenges. Without appropriate adaptations, this pattern can unintentionally lead to excessive permissiveness, where children gain disproportionate power and influence over decision-making within the family. By prematurely admitting children into the "court" of family discussions, they risk being confronted with responsibilities that they are not ready to assume due to their development, which can create a real form of anxiety for the child. growing child.

      Lack of consequences

      Unlike traditional democratic systems that exist in the Western world, the democratic-permissive family model is often devoid of practical consequences for violating the rules. Rules are expressed and discussed gently, blurring the lines between what constitutes rules and what constitutes advice or suggestions. This inconsistency can dangerously contribute to a permanent fluctuation of rules and roles within the family and contaminate family relationships through a confusion of roles and responsibilities. Contrary to the ideological or theoretical notion of equality, children in the democratic-permissive model are generally not assigned domestic chores. Without accountability or consequences for neglect, children may develop a habit of shirking their obligations as they grow up, leading to real problems in their relationships during adolescence. and at the start of their adult life.

      Conflict and anxiety tolerance

      Conflict and anxiety tolerance

      In this pattern, people may demonstrate low conflict tolerance and limited emotional regulation skills. When rightly disciplining their children, parents' resulting anxiety, shame, or tension causes them to resort to a pattern of abandonment to restore temporary harmony. This approach may inadvertently teach children that being more demanding leads to greater rewards, which can foster a sense of entitlement and, paradoxically, an increase in the conflict that parents seek to avoid, a truly ironic outcome.

      NEEDS

      • The role of parents
      • Find a family counselor near me
      • A better approach

      To meet the challenges of the democratic-permissive model, parents must find a balance between freedom and responsibility. By combining democratic values ​​with appropriate boundaries, consistent consequences, and age-appropriate autonomy, parents can create an environment that promotes healthy growth and development in their children. The democratic-permissive model offers a unique approach to raising children that emphasizes equality, negotiation and open communication. However, parents should recognize the potential pitfalls and challenges associated with this style.

      References

      • BERTRANDO, P., (1997): Nodi familiari, Milano: Feltrinelli.
      • BETTELHEIM, B., (1987): A good enough parent, New York: Alfred A. Knopf Inc.
      • BOWEN, M., (1979): Dalla famiglia all'individualo, Roma: Astrolabio.
      • Gibson, P. (2020). Escape the anxiety trap. Strategic Science Books.
      • Gibson, P. (2021). The 12 most common mental traps. Strategic Science Books.
      • HALEY, J. (1985): Conversation with Milton H. Erickson MD: vol. I: Changing individuals, vol. II: Changing couples, vol. III: Changing families and children, Triangle Press.
      • JACKSON, DON. D.(1968): vol. I, II, Communication, Family and Marriage, Palo Alto Calif. Science and Behavior Books, Inc.
      • KAGAN, J., (1984): The nature of the child, New York: Basic Books Inc.
      • NARDONE, G. (a cura di ) (1988): Modelli di psicoterapia a confronto, Roma: Il Ventaglio.
      • NARDONE, G., WATZLAWICK, P. (1990): L'arte del cambiamento, Manuale di terapia strategica e ipnoterapia senza trance, Firenze: Ponte alle Grazie. English edition (1996): The Art of Change: Therapy and Hypnotherapy Without Trance, Jossey-Bass, S. Francisco, USA.
      • NARDONE, G. (1991): Suggestione-Ristrutturazione-Cambiamento, Milano: Giuffrè.
      • NARDONE, G., (1995): Conoscere un problema traverso la sua soluzione: i sistemi percettivo-reattivi patogeni e la psicoterapia strategica. In PAGLIARO, G., CESA-BIANCHI, M., (a cura di) Nuove Prospettive in psicoterapia e modelli interattivo-cognitivi, Milano: Angeli.

      A team of more than
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      of our students satisfied with
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      International partnerships

      The quality certification was issued under
      the following category of actions: Training action

      A team of more than
      50 trainers in France
      and abroad

      of our students satisfied with
      their training year at LACT *

      International partnerships

      The quality certification was issued under
      the following category of actions: Training action

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